One’s toilet habits are of a nature so personal that they are rarely given the opportunity to be aired in public. Internet giant Google has recognised this, and solved a problem no-one knew existed.

Google has given the world’s Android lavatorati the power of a smartphone application to help them manage each and every poo successfully – Google Bowel – and it’s far from being a stinker.

Floater or Sinker?

What impressed the technical team at Spitting Bullets was the sheer computing power of this application. Essentially, Google Bowel uses your smartphone’s camera to harness the visual recognition capabilities of the app by converting photographs of users’ turds into a wealth of useful data and helpful advice.

Such information, designed to aid and assist the toilet-goer rather than to replace this basic bodily function completely, includes a detailed shape and texture analysis of the stool, recommendations for improving diet and regularity as well as methods for combatting odour and ‘skid-like’ deposits in the pan.

Bog Roll Calculator

Of course, used simply as a toilet roll calculator, Google Bowel allows every household the real opportunity to manage their loo paper consumption in a way that hitherto can only have been the thing of dreams – no exaggeration!

Google Bowel really could become a life changing mobile app for millions across the globe – the environmental and economic benefits are clear for all to see (?).

Shat-Nav

There is also a GPS feature which overlays your local sewer network onto Google Maps, allowing you to virtually trace your evacuation on flushing, with ETAs for ocean entry. The software engineers at Google Bowel have clearly done their homework as this part of the app even takes into account tide timetables and works out the likelihood of you being reunited with any one of your own or friend’s ‘movements’ whilst on holiday.

Google Bowel – A Very British Affair

Google has also recognised the British obsession with toilet humour, and as such, a Google spokesperson has told Spitting Bullets that it’s recently been in talks with local authorities across the UK to consider the possibility of a ‘pooblic’ viewing gallery at conveniences across the country. This will allows users to share and comment on their own and each other’s shits as often as they like.

This has of course, and perhaps understandably, raised the usual slurry of concerns from human rights campaigners, who feel that their shit is their own business. Most people we polled however, through social media networks such as Facebook and Twitter, seemed quite happy sharing their crap with everyone and did not exhibit such concerns – after all, most of them have been doing this for years already.

Our Verdict

Google Bowel is far from being an ordinary piece of software which does much more than tell the user how much paper they’ll need for a clean wipe, post-evacuation. It really is the best shit mobile app so far in 2012. Well done Google!

© 2012, Spitting Bullets. Copyright. All Rights Reserved.